we're here

well we are back in little rock. i hate to say it but the last few miles i had mark turn off the GPS because i know my way around already.

i want to say again how amazed i am at our lives right now. how is it we managed to meet up with dr yasargil??! i have met 2 people through facebook that have grade II astrocytomas or other gliomas that have been told their tumors are non-operable and to wait and watch. that could have been us very easily. i know each case is different and every tumor is unique but i just know in my heart that our doctor CAN do it. probably becuase he did do it for us.. there are just so many people out there that need help and this particular tumor is not common. it is deep brain surgery and not many doctors are trained on how to do it.

we are just so lucky. we are so lucky to have the friends and family we do. we are so lucky to have the support from all directions.. maybe it isn't the right word to say lucky though. luck implies that there is randomness to it all. the truth is that people are good and decent and want to help other people. we are unlucky actually to be in a position to need help. we just have been thrust into a scenario that the true goodness of people can shine through.

it is in no way an expectation that people help us but we are so grateful that we do get support. mark referenced our babysitter in his blog and he's right. she didn't have to keep our kids overnight tonight but she is and she wanted to do it. it made tonight so much easier to know the kids are right where they need to be. a girl i work with is staying at the house with the dogs. she didn't have to do that either but she wanted to do it. that saved us from having to kennel the doggies and i KNOW bear appreciates that.

mark and i talked a lot about our thoughts of tomorrow and his progress. he understands better that he is being really negative about his progress but he said 'i'm a glass is half empty kind of guy'. if you nail him down though he recognizes how far he's come and how much better he is. his big thing is his memory. he doesn't remember a lot. not only names but things that have happened and stuff he's done. that part scares him. in the long run though, it is still chump stuff compared to not being here at all.

he has never been through major surgery and never had long-term pain like this. and truthfully, this isn't long-term pain. it has been longer than anything he's ever experienced but this is not chronic for a lifetime. this will get better and go away in another bit of time. he just has never had to face it before. ask him again near christmas about the pain and the time for recovery and i bet he has a totally different point of view.

that was the big thing about our drive donw here. we talked about perspective. it is all about perspective. from my perspective our surgeon is the greatest person to ever touch a scalpel and the man can do anything. other poeple may not share that view.. i believe in my heart he can save the affects lives of the people i've met with brain tumors. they may not but since he saved my husband's life, i have that luxury of knowing the end result. mark being negative is all about perspective. i just told him to get a grip and really be honest about the situation instead of pessimistic.

i have lots of thoughts to share again. probably because we are back here in little rock and this tumor thing is in the forefront of life again. it looks like i have less to say when i have less stress :)